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All of us have secrets, but not everybody is good at keeping them. We call these people backstabbers, blabbermouths or TMZ. Some secrets, however, are so painfully obvious to the casual observer that they barely qualify as secret. Clay Aiken's sexual preference comes to mind, as do late pop star Michael Jackson's addiction to plastic surgery and Burt Reynolds' hair piece. You can throw the film "Jenna's Dirty Secret" into that mix.
The real dirty secret here is that archived footage from 2002 is being passed off as "new". But it's not really a secret at all to anyone who remotely follows the porn industry. With the deflating of her boobs back in 2007, Jenna Jameson officially announced her retirement from porn. That means no more new releases. No more new releases means producers and studio heads have to go back through archives to find "unreleased" stuff to fuel the public's desire for more, more, more.
This kind of thing isn't new. The music industry has been doing it for years. Sound engineers take albums from washed up, suddenly pious, or dead artists, remaster them, repackage them, add bonus tracks of a lanky front man humming "Major Tom" in a bathroom stall at Sea World and dole it out for mass consumption. It's a great racket, getting fans to shell out $18 for an album they already own, containing sound frequencies they can't hear, just for the opportunity to hear a drug-addled icon take a dump at an amusement park.
Jenna's "latest" has no re-anything. It is the original movie in its original form. That sounds great until you consider the fact that this is a porn film that never saw the light of day seven years ago. How bad is that? Adult films are notorious for their poor production values. The fact this one had been shelved until now should tell you something about the attention to detail.
The flip side is that true fans ultimately don't care how good or bad a film is. If it's a release that features their favorite star, they are going to watch it. So, if you dig Jenna Jameson, you will like this film regardless of the soundtrack issues, sound effect gaffes, editing and timeline inconsistencies, and anything else that might conspire to curb your enthusiasm. Why? Jenna is in it. Not only that, but she gets it on with Ramona Luv and a translucent strap-on, takes a big cock, and receives a nice facial toward the end of the film. The fact that she is still pre-Mickey Rourke face makes it even better.
As for the film itself, Jenna plays two roles: a Hollywood starlet named Tara and her twin, redheaded sister, Kim. Kim is an investigator looking into the death of Tara whose lust for fame, fortune and cock precipitates her murder. Shimmering blue hot pants, ribbed turtleneck sweater and B-52's hairstyle aren't exactly what come to mind when you think of a gumshoe, but this is porn, not "The Equalizer."
The film is the classic (or not so classic) whodunit, as it seems everyone in town has the opportunity and the motive. First, there is her jealous lover Ricki (Tina Tyler), who laments Tara's lust for strange men. She doesn't get all that naked here, serving more to keep the storyline moving than anything else. Her imagination serves as the vehicle by which Tara has her first encounter, recounting the first time she laid eyes on Tara. Cue the blowing fan and super slo-mo. Tara takes a breather from her pastoral, outdoor photo shoot and Ramona Luv joins her for a bit of frolic. Laid out on a lounge chair, Jenna works her magic on Ramona's sundrenched pussy. Circling her tongue around the clit, she nibbles and teases, sucking on her taut lips. Tara's bikini is off, revealing a pair of perfect, round tits. The bottoms follow and Ramona goes to work. She gets in crab position, so Ramona can lap at Tara's sweaty body. Next, Tara straps on a clear dildo and starts fucking Ramona in doggie. Jenna's full tits look great right here, as does the close-up of Ramona's pussy getting plundered with a translucent sex toy. Ramona looks excellent in RCG, her ass pogoing up and down in super-charged fashion. However, the sound of them fucking fades in and out as music takes precedence at times. It's a bit disappointing because the actual sounds of sex are always preferred over music. After a presumed climax (again, no sound) Ramona licks her own pussy juice off of the device.
Next, there is her jilted ex-husband Earl (Randy Spears), who is furious that Tara left him once she hit the big time. In an effort to get revenge, he makes a sex tape of him and another woman and mails it to Tara. As news of Tara's death spreads, he attempts to retrieve the tape thinking that it is his ticket to the good life. What is on the tape constitutes another scene in the film. It is Earl as the cliché plumber coming to fix the pipes of his new love interest (Melanie Jagger). He plunges her left breast with an actual toilet plunger…a first for this reviewer. Then he steps into the shower with her, plunging her pussy pipe and frigging her tight slit with the handle before inserting the tip into her twat. Though she is already in the shower, he licks her pussy and asshole clean. She takes his giant cock into her ass, fucking him RCG style. Here you get some nice vantage points of her sliding her tight bunghole up and down on his waterlogged cock. She sucks him off and then takes him doggie and mish on the tile floor. Melanie's ass is gorgeous. It's not too bony and not too big, but it does have a nice bit of jiggly fullness on display when his cock drives into her pussy. She rides his dick valiantly before succumbing to a face load of gooey white cream.
Then there is producer Zack Stone (Steven St. Croix) and nosey, young reporter Julie (Saphire Rae). Stone made Tara famous when he cast her is his first big film, but becomes angry when she bolts to a different production company under promises of greater creative control. Without a big star in his stable, he fears losing out on future investments for film projects. Julie, on the other hand, is hoping to jumpstart her career by breaking a big news story. Julie visits Zack while hot on the killer's trail. Not even a heated exchange between the two can keep Zack from coming on to her.
At this point, the breakdowns in the film start becoming more and more apparent. You expect to see St. Croix getting it on with redheaded Rae, but instead, the movie cuts to a shot of St. Croix fucking blonde Jasmine Lynn! Until now, Lynn hasn't even sniffed the screen in any capacity. This development is completely out of the blue and makes zero sense. Thankfully, the fucking makes up somewhat for the lack of clarity. Jasmine sucks his meaty jib like a pro. She is petite with a bald pussy and pert natural little titties. His cock almost splits her in half when she rides in RCG. You get a good anal shot in front of the garland that winds around the wooden railing behind them. St. Croix does some pretty good railing himself, turning out her tight little butthole with his thick dick. Following that is a decent ATM that finds her throating his rod all the way down to his balls.
The young reporter does jump into the fray, but it is with her producer. She uses sex as a weapon to get her developing story into the prime news slot. While her voice and speech patterns are a bit of a nuisance, Julie's blowjob skills are first rate. She mouth fucks him nice and wet-like, holding his bulbous cock head stationary in her mouth, while the saliva drips off the corners of her lips. The whole time she gazes into his eyes, which is totally hot. When her bald pussy gets fucked in RCG, her cries fill the control room. She later begs to be fucked harder and have her clit played with while she is bent over and fucked doggie style. A session of full-on anal sex follows, her legs spread like a butterfly while sitting in a spinny chair. There are plenty of editing gaffes here too, specifically the ones where you hear the director barking out instructions like "rotate chair" or "gape it". Despite some problems, they get through the scene with several solid blasts of cum into her open mouth.
Overall, it's not the greatest, but it's still got Jenna and some anal action for any of you fans. And though you are already privy to the real dirty secret about this film, there is still one more: the ending. It's a bit strange, but it's one you will only learn by watching. Where is TMZ when you really need them?